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January 03, 2006
The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Clichés
This list is derived from 20+ years of game designers creating games - the same games - over and over. Its very funny (and a bit sad) that I know many of these from first hand experience. These are just a few of the many rules -
- Just Nod Your Head And Smile - No matter how big that big-ass sword is, you won't stand out in a crowd. Nobody ever crosses the street to avoid you or seems to be especially shocked or alarmed when a heavily armed gang bursts into their house during dinner, rummages through their posessions, and demands to know if they've seen a black-caped man. People can get used to anything, apparently. (All but Fallout 1 and 2)
- Nostradamus Rule - All legends are 100% accurate. All rumors are entirely factual. All prophecies will come true, and not just someday but almost immediately. (All Pokemon games)
- Zelda's Axiom - Whenever somebody tells you about "the five ancient talismans" or "the nine legendary crystals" or whatever, you can be quite confident that Saving the World will require you to go out and find every last one of them. (All)
- Second Law of Travel - There will be only one of any non-trivial type of vehicle in the entire world. Thus, only one ocean-capable steamboat, only one airship, and so forth. Massive facilities will have been constructed all over the world to service this one vehicle. (Final Fantasy X)
- Arbor Day Rule - At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says. (All)
- Principle of Archaeological Convenience - Every ancient machine you find will work perfectly the first time you try to use it and every time thereafter. Even if its city got blasted into ruins and the machine was then sunk to the bottom of the sea and buried in mud for ten thousand years, it'll still work fine. The unfortunate corollary to this rule is that ancient guardian creatures will also turn out to be working perfectly when you try to filch their stuff. (All but Fallout)
- Adam Smith's Revenge - By the end of the game you are renowned everywhere as the Legendary Heroes, every surviving government and authority figure has rallied behind you, the fate of the world is obviously hanging in the balance, and out of nowhere random passers-by give you a pat on the back and heartfelt good luck wishes. However, shopkeepers won't even give you a discount, much less free supplies for the final battle with evil. (All)
- "So, Andross, you reveal your true form!" - You will have to kill the evil villain at least twice at the end of the game. First the villain will look like a person or some creature and be rather easy to kill. Then he will grow to about 50 times the hero's size and be much harder to kill. (Baldur's Gate 2)
- Know Your Audience (Vyse Rule) - Every woman in the game will find the male lead incredibly attractive. (All)
Posted by rakhier at January 3, 2006 09:25 AM